Ripple (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} windwaterite) wrote,@ 2006-12-04 16:35:00 |
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I DID IT!!!!
Monday 4 December 2006
DONE!!
I did it, I did it! I performed 540ish shows, over 36ish weeks, in 13? states... without missing a single performance! I performed when I was happy, I performed when I was upset, I performed when I was heartbroken, when I was sick, naseous and dizzy every time I got out of bed, so sick that I could not sit on a chair in the office and sell tickets for 75 minutes, I lay down on the floor of the office and finally went to lie down in my room... but still I climbed the ladder when it came time to do so.
I performed slightly injured, when something on my right rear ribcage was out of alignment, when every step on the ground sent pain to my ribcage, when I couldn't breathe naturally up there or do the routine with full grace, still I did it... I don't know if that sounds dramatic, I read what I've written and think, “am I really that tough?” but at the time doing so just felt necessary and normal.... and it was was facing the pain that healed me. Blaze had advised me: “Don't let yourself get sucked into the fear of the injury.” So I went up every day and realized that it wasn't that bad, and practiced silk in the evening until I literally couldn't lift myself anymore... and after about 5 days of performing through pain (during which time it never once occurred to me to take painkillers, isn't that weird? I was taking arnica, icing, etc), the show happened upon one of the most amazing audiences of the season. It was a suburb of Philadelphia, I believe, and the general admission was full of kids from the shelter system, they'd come with chaperones in yellow school busses. They were largely African American, they weren't afraid to respond to the performance. When “Thriller,” came on, they started screaming. All of us felt this unusual energy, we all smiled at each other during the dance. Most of my pain left me. I thought to myself,
“Ignore the pain, don't let it clip your wings, this audience deserves the highest level of performance,” and I climbed my ladder with gusto and threw myself fearlessley into the routine, even more enthusiastic than normal as they started SINGING ALONG to “Billy Jean”... and halfway through, I felt a couple pops in my ribcage, and a lightness, a slight easing of tension. “It's popping back into alignment! My body is fixing itself!” I realized with joy, then forgot about it until I came down, walked out the back door, and realized that I no longer had pain with every step, realized that being bouyed up with joy by that audience had taken me past my pain and fear, and once I had let go of fear and pain, my body let itself fall back into alignment. What a miracle.
I didn't expect to write about this now, I can't remember if I wrote about it before, but it just came tumbling out.... anyway! The point of this entry is this:
I wanted to do it right, I wanted to do an entire tour without missing a show, and I did it. I'm proud of myself.
I've been done for a week now, actually...still hafta write about trapezeBoy & trapeze class & Epcott & La Nouba & & &... THE FLORIDA KEYS, advice from an Irish bloke, the Hurricane Lounge adventure& Eric...
KEY WEST
FINDING A LITTLE SISTER.
I didn't want her, I don't know if I'm ready... but I think there's no helping it, I think I've found a little sister. She's coping well through difficult circumstances, her radiance shines out and all around her respond to it. I'm pretty sure she'll be just fine regardless... but I find that I want to show her things, take her under my wing just a little, even if from a distance, pass on to a confident but struggling young woman the wisdom and love that was passed on to my by Metahara and others. I don't know if I'm ready to be someone's Big Sister, I don't know if she wants one, but I just feel like that's what's happening. Or maybe it's not a big/little sister relationship, maybe we'll just be friends and lovers... I do feel as if I've fallen in love a little...
She found me, actually. I was going to the western beach at Key West to watch the sunset, I had a feeling that I'd find people there to hang out with, and indeed, I saw some scruffy kids hanging out on a blanket, including one tall slim cute girl... but first I went to say hello to the ocean and dance in the waves. I was dancing along, away from them, when I heard a voice behind me:
“Are you a six food tall redhead, too?” She had followed me, and she was indeeed a slight but tall pretty girl with red hair.
“No, I'm only five nine,” I respnded.
“I thought you weren't quite as tall as me, but Will thought you were, so I came to ask you... would you like to come sit down with us for a bit?”
I did. My first impression was that she was the kind of kid that talks tougher than she is just to deal. I hung out with them briefly, passed on their invitation to hang out more, gave her my number, said I'd try to meet them later but never bothered. She called me the next day, invited me to come meet her... I kind of didn't want to hang out with her, I had a feeling that her life was complicated and that I'd somehow get incorperated into it... but I was lonely, I remembered her charisma and warmpth. I didn't want to go meet her, but I told her where I was, and she walked across the island (it's not that far) and found me... and I was glad to see her.
She brighter than the previous day, with bounce in her step, a green shirt her hair in goldern red gurls loose around her face, eyes clear, and a radiant smile as she came up to me, clearly glad to have found me. I realized that I was attracted to her, and her to me. It was fun. I always say I want to have some girl romance, but I seldom meet girls I'm attracted to at enough levels who also seem open to romance with other girls... it was so fun to realize that it was actually happening, that I'd met a sexy, beautiful girl I really liked who liked me too.
I thought of what MagicBoy had told me a not half an hour before when I was a little down, lonely and trying to figure out what to look for in my evening.
“I don't know what I want. I think I'd have a better chance of finding it if I knew what it was. You know me well, MagicBoy, what do you think I want?”
--I think you want to find someone you feel comfortable connecting with, someone like you.
--Boy or girl?
--I don't think it matters. Not necessarily a sexual connection.
--I think you're right.
It didn't seem obvious how to find this. I didn't think consciously about BrightGirl, as I'll call her here, but later when I saw her, I was like, “Duh! I need to just let myself hang out with this girl and see what happens.”
The more I hung out with BrightGirl, the more I was impressed by her attitude, way of being, and bright light. She is one of those people who have responded to a tough life in with grace and what seems to be an amazingly pure openheartedness.
I found myself thinking, OK, it might be nice to stay in contact with this one, it might be a good thing.
Monday 4 December 2006
DONE!!
I did it, I did it! I performed 540ish shows, over 36ish weeks, in 13? states... without missing a single performance! I performed when I was happy, I performed when I was upset, I performed when I was heartbroken, when I was sick, naseous and dizzy every time I got out of bed, so sick that I could not sit on a chair in the office and sell tickets for 75 minutes, I lay down on the floor of the office and finally went to lie down in my room... but still I climbed the ladder when it came time to do so.
I performed slightly injured, when something on my right rear ribcage was out of alignment, when every step on the ground sent pain to my ribcage, when I couldn't breathe naturally up there or do the routine with full grace, still I did it... I don't know if that sounds dramatic, I read what I've written and think, “am I really that tough?” but at the time doing so just felt necessary and normal.... and it was was facing the pain that healed me. Blaze had advised me: “Don't let yourself get sucked into the fear of the injury.” So I went up every day and realized that it wasn't that bad, and practiced silk in the evening until I literally couldn't lift myself anymore... and after about 5 days of performing through pain (during which time it never once occurred to me to take painkillers, isn't that weird? I was taking arnica, icing, etc), the show happened upon one of the most amazing audiences of the season. It was a suburb of Philadelphia, I believe, and the general admission was full of kids from the shelter system, they'd come with chaperones in yellow school busses. They were largely African American, they weren't afraid to respond to the performance. When “Thriller,” came on, they started screaming. All of us felt this unusual energy, we all smiled at each other during the dance. Most of my pain left me. I thought to myself,
“Ignore the pain, don't let it clip your wings, this audience deserves the highest level of performance,” and I climbed my ladder with gusto and threw myself fearlessley into the routine, even more enthusiastic than normal as they started SINGING ALONG to “Billy Jean”... and halfway through, I felt a couple pops in my ribcage, and a lightness, a slight easing of tension. “It's popping back into alignment! My body is fixing itself!” I realized with joy, then forgot about it until I came down, walked out the back door, and realized that I no longer had pain with every step, realized that being bouyed up with joy by that audience had taken me past my pain and fear, and once I had let go of fear and pain, my body let itself fall back into alignment. What a miracle.
I didn't expect to write about this now, I can't remember if I wrote about it before, but it just came tumbling out.... anyway! The point of this entry is this:
I wanted to do it right, I wanted to do an entire tour without missing a show, and I did it. I'm proud of myself.
I've been done for a week now, actually...still hafta write about trapezeBoy & trapeze class & Epcott & La Nouba & & &... THE FLORIDA KEYS, advice from an Irish bloke, the Hurricane Lounge adventure& Eric...
KEY WEST
FINDING A LITTLE SISTER.
I didn't want her, I don't know if I'm ready... but I think there's no helping it, I think I've found a little sister. She's coping well through difficult circumstances, her radiance shines out and all around her respond to it. I'm pretty sure she'll be just fine regardless... but I find that I want to show her things, take her under my wing just a little, even if from a distance, pass on to a confident but struggling young woman the wisdom and love that was passed on to my by Metahara and others. I don't know if I'm ready to be someone's Big Sister, I don't know if she wants one, but I just feel like that's what's happening. Or maybe it's not a big/little sister relationship, maybe we'll just be friends and lovers... I do feel as if I've fallen in love a little...
She found me, actually. I was going to the western beach at Key West to watch the sunset, I had a feeling that I'd find people there to hang out with, and indeed, I saw some scruffy kids hanging out on a blanket, including one tall slim cute girl... but first I went to say hello to the ocean and dance in the waves. I was dancing along, away from them, when I heard a voice behind me:
“Are you a six food tall redhead, too?” She had followed me, and she was indeeed a slight but tall pretty girl with red hair.
“No, I'm only five nine,” I respnded.
“I thought you weren't quite as tall as me, but Will thought you were, so I came to ask you... would you like to come sit down with us for a bit?”
I did. My first impression was that she was the kind of kid that talks tougher than she is just to deal. I hung out with them briefly, passed on their invitation to hang out more, gave her my number, said I'd try to meet them later but never bothered. She called me the next day, invited me to come meet her... I kind of didn't want to hang out with her, I had a feeling that her life was complicated and that I'd somehow get incorperated into it... but I was lonely, I remembered her charisma and warmpth. I didn't want to go meet her, but I told her where I was, and she walked across the island (it's not that far) and found me... and I was glad to see her.
She brighter than the previous day, with bounce in her step, a green shirt her hair in goldern red gurls loose around her face, eyes clear, and a radiant smile as she came up to me, clearly glad to have found me. I realized that I was attracted to her, and her to me. It was fun. I always say I want to have some girl romance, but I seldom meet girls I'm attracted to at enough levels who also seem open to romance with other girls... it was so fun to realize that it was actually happening, that I'd met a sexy, beautiful girl I really liked who liked me too.
I thought of what MagicBoy had told me a not half an hour before when I was a little down, lonely and trying to figure out what to look for in my evening.
“I don't know what I want. I think I'd have a better chance of finding it if I knew what it was. You know me well, MagicBoy, what do you think I want?”
--I think you want to find someone you feel comfortable connecting with, someone like you.
--Boy or girl?
--I don't think it matters. Not necessarily a sexual connection.
--I think you're right.
It didn't seem obvious how to find this. I didn't think consciously about BrightGirl, as I'll call her here, but later when I saw her, I was like, “Duh! I need to just let myself hang out with this girl and see what happens.”
The more I hung out with BrightGirl, the more I was impressed by her attitude, way of being, and bright light. She is one of those people who have responded to a tough life in with grace and what seems to be an amazingly pure openheartedness.
I found myself thinking, OK, it might be nice to stay in contact with this one, it might be a good thing.
